My girlfriend and I were both stricken by the darn flu virus this week. Not surprising then, that we spent a good chunk of time huddled feverishly in blankets, sipping NeoCitran and watching T.V.

At one point during a commercial break, I became alarmed and had to scrabbled feverishly for my thermometer. What I  had just witnessed convinced me that I had descended into a state of delirium brought on by an upward-surging of my temperature. Surely I was seeing things? Drifting in and out of consciousness? Perhaps hovering in an altered state of consciousness, trapped somewhere between fever-inspired dreams and reality?

Nope.

Apparently, Kellog’s Fruit Loops are now an even more healthful way to start the morning, thanks to added fiber. Yep, it’s true. Fruit Loops are nutritious. Don’t believe me? See for yourself…

I ain’t bloggin’ on my birthday.   But I’ll leave you with my favorite, “wish-I’d-thought-of-that” birthday greeting:

Birthday Greetings from Joe Cocker from Jared Pike on Vimeo.

Deep fried butter????

Ewwwwww!!!!

Ok, science reporting isn’t always this bad, but there’s some stuff that comes close…

No… it’s not a joke.

When we ran across an e-mail about a new weight loss product, we thought it had to be a joke — a knife and fork that weigh 1½ pounds each, the better to make you eat more slowly? Seriously?

This is quite serious, according to the Knife and Fork Lift’s inventor, Tom Madden. “Everybody approaches it as a joke,” he said, “but when you think about it, it does require you to eat more slowly.” Eating more slowly, say health experts, allows the brain time to register feelings of satiety, resulting in eating less.

The idea sprung from Madden’s own frustrating attempts, and those of his friends, at sticking with diets. “I’m always trying to lose a few pounds, and all the diets everyone has tried to my knowledge have failed. I thought, maybe I could make it more difficult to eat, and slow the process down.” Madden is the founder and chief executive of TransMedia Group, a Boca Raton, La.-based public relations firm.

He came up with a knife and fork encased in a dumbbell-shaped handle, several times the weight of most knives and forks. But he didn’t think this could be the next big thing since the Snuggie when he sent an early version to a friend — who loved it. “He said it was the most unique, creative, imaginative present someone had sent him,” Madden said. “And I thought, let’s make some more of these.”

For what it’s worth, I’ve written about the link between eating quickly and obesity before, so I can appreciate what Mr. Madden is trying to accomplish here.  But there’s no need to invest in…errr… creative (and somewhat pricey) silverware, when – at least for most Westerners - eating with a pair of chopsticks will do much the same thing.

I’ll give Mr. Madden points for ingenuity, however:  I expect the Knife and Fork Lift would make a great gag gift – for either the dieters or weightlifters in your life.

OMG.

Who’d have guessed a simple surfing session would uncover the world’s most effective appetite suppressant.

I’d never have guessed it myself.

Blech.

As you can see, it’s already been established that bananas don’t make good weapons.

About a month or so back, I reported on my experience with a McDonald’s grilled chicken salad. It was truly the most pathetic salad I have ever encountered and still remains so. I was most disappointed at the effort Mickey-Dees was making in providing real alternatives to the usual high-calorie, high fat offerings. The salad was, plain and simple, a joke.

At the time, I remembered Wendy’s competitive offerings in a much more favorable light. Well, guess what? A recent road trip forced me to stop at a highway rest stop for sustenance.

And as luck would have it, this one featured a Wendy’s.

Game on!

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You can find the damndest things on the internet.  My husband recently stumbled over this site, aptly titled “This Is Why You’re Fat” – which consists entirely of photos of food.  But not just any food… absolutely grotesque, greasy/gooey food.  He was laughing his a** off when he waved me over: “You HAVE to see this!”

Ewwwwwwwww.

Did the people who submitted these photos actually EAT that stuff?  I’d like to think it’s simply an elaborate gag (I’m gagging already), although some of the dishes look like they’re real enough.

Why anyone would devote a web site to pics of gross food is a mystery to me… some folks just have too much time on their hands, I guess.

Fort Pierce woman calls 911 three times when McNuggets run out.

I’m amazed she wasn’t prosecuted for this…the guy who recently called 911 after Burger King ran out of lemonade was.

I work in the health/fitness/bodybuilding industry, and I’m in contact with others who share my interests (to varying degrees) 7 days a week…thus, I’m pretty immersed in the issues and events relevant to my field.

Like the Arnold Classic, for example… Since supplements are my game, it’s a natural place for me to be, as virtually every sports supp company in existence puts in an appearance.  This is understandable, as it’s quite a show.  In addition to the other sports contests, the Arnold is one of the two biggest pro bodybuilding competitions in the US (the other is the Olympia in Las Vegas).  And, since it’s named for world-famous bodybuilder/actor (and now politician) Arnold Schwarzenegger, I just assumed that EVERYBODY knows about it…right?

NOT…

Nick had an orthodonist appointment the other day, so - as usual – I chatted w/the office staff while I waited for her.  We needed to set a followup appointment date for early March, and – since we’re off to the Arnold on the 5th – I told them to make it the week of the 8th – after we return.  The gals sounded interested in the trip and asked about the details, but looked pretty puzzled at my comment about bringing back a big sack of supp samples to review.  As it turned out, they’d been assuming that “Arnold” referred to Arnold Palmer, and the “Arnold Classic” was a golf tournament.

An amusing moment, and a good reminder that I need to get out into the “real world” a little more often…

It’s an all-natural health drink from India.  The manufacturer claims it “…offers a cure for around 70 to 80 incurable diseases like diabetes.” 

Sound good?

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As a student of human nature, as well as a de-facto health/nutrition advocate, I’ve always been intrigued by the way our society views food.  In many ways, our food choices and eating behaviors are increasingly divorced from the reality of what food is, and what eating is supposed to accomplish. 

I’m not trying to be a killjoy: in fact, I’m a firm believer in “eat, drink and be merry.”  Food has a sensual side, and I’ve always made room for some indulgences, both in my selection of foods, as well as the ways I eat them.  Food also plays important social roles: put 10 people in a room, and you have a group; add hors d’oeuvres, and you’ve got a party.  Works for me.

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I have kids, so naturally, I’ve seen a lot of kids’ movies.  These have varied in quality…most have been in the forgettable-to-annoying range, although there were also a few I’ve actually enjoyed (Toy Story and Shrek come to mind, here).

I’d include “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” in the latter group: not perfect, but it had its moments of inspired insanity and dark humor.  And, of course, it has a cool premise: wouldn’t it be awesome to find a golden ticket in a candy bar, and visit a fantastic place where everything around you was made from chocolate?

The beauty of the chocolate factory in the movie, however, was that it was big, and lots of things were going on…there was more to it than just oohing and aahing over the chocolate.  The chocolate was just the backdrop for the action, not the focus of the plot.  It would have been a dull flick, otherwise. 

Which is why this publicity stunt seems like a perfectly dumb idea…

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Nintendo released the Wii in late 2006. I have two teenagers, and both are gamers, so naturally, they wanted one. We said “ok” – but there was no way to get one in time for Xmas…the consoles were “hot” and were sold out within minutes of delivery at the usual retail outlets.  And “mother love” only goes so far: there was no way in Hell I was going to freeze my buns off, standing in line in front of “Best Buy” at 4 a.m., or pay 3x what the damn thing was worth, just to see their not-so-little faces light up on Xmas morning. I checked into a few places, then said “tough luck, kiddies” and that was that.

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OMG…Burger King body spray.

Still can’t think what to get him for Christmas? Socks don’t seem to cut it any more? Fret no longer because Burger King is here to help.

The mass purveyor of grilled meat is offering, for a limited time, something even better than their usual piles of beef patties. This week, American men were given the chance to smell like their favourite meat snack with the launch of Flame, Burger King’s contribution to the perfume market.

The company describes Flame as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat”.

The sales site has to be seen to be believed (keep clicking on the container – lol).

This is truly the ultimate gag gift…with an emphasis on the “gag” part.

Only in Southern California…

You know you’re not in the North Pole anymore when you come face to face with Santa Claus . . . and he’s a ripped hunk.

You’re probably in Los Angeles — at the Beverly Center, to be precise. For six years, the upscale mall near West Hollywood has wooed shoppers with the prospect of getting up close and personal with Hunky Santa, in which Santa is a young, muscled dude with bulging biceps and abs as flat as a gingerbread cookie. (Hunky’s stints are Friday through Sunday evenings, when he performs hourly with the Candy Cane Dancers, plus greets and has photos taken with shoppers. “Classic” Santa — bearded and tubby — is there during the week).

This year, Eli Wilhide was chosen to depict the jolly guy. The 31-year-old, 6-foot-1, 185-pound Angeleno sports a shaved chest and flawless tan, and on a recent busy weekend, he was practically mobbed by men, women and children who wanted to kiss him, shake his hand, have their picture taken with him or all of the above. His attire is Kris Kringle-meets-Chippendales: red velvet pants, black boots, a red velvet hat and a long, open, fur-trimmed red velvet coat — sleeveless, of course, the better to show off those biceps.

Personally, I think “Santa” could stand to add a little more mass to his arms and shoulders – but I gotta admit, he’s got great abs.

Although I don’t think I’d care to be a professional chocolate taster, like the guy in this article. I like chocolate, but not THAT much.

As some of you know, Newsweek’s been running a series of articles, with highlights from the recent presidential election campaign. I got a smile out of this paragraph, on President-elect Obama’s eating habits:

Obama carefully conserved his energy. He was not a man of appetites, like Bill Clinton, who would grab whatever goodie passed by on the tray. Obama was abstemious. Indeed, to the reporters following him, he appeared very nearly anorexic. Most candidates gain the Campaign 10 (or 15). Hillary was struggling with her waistline, as she gamely knocked back shots and beers in working-class bars and gobbled the obligatory sausage sandwiches thrust at her in greasy spoons along the Trail of the White Working-Class Voter. Obama, by contrast, lost weight. He regularly ate the same dinner of salmon, rice and broccoli. At Schoop’s Hamburgers, a diner in Portage, Ind., he munched a single french fry and ordered four hamburgers—to go. At the Copper Dome Restaurant, a pancake house in St. Paul, Minn., he ordered pancakes—to go. (An AP reporter wondered: who gets pancakes for the road?) A waiter reeled off a long list of richly topped flapjacks, but Obama went for the plain buttermilk, saying, “I’m kind of traditionalist.” Reporters joked that if he ate a single bite of burger or pancake once the doors of his dark-tinted SUV closed, they’d eat their BlackBerrys.

Definitely a man after my own heart…Except I would have skipped the rice.

This is completely, totally, abso-freaking-lutely insane.